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It amazes me to see so many guys on Craigslist posting notes like “don’t write me if a you’re a bot” or “only real women, no spammers!” Endearing, perhaps, but a waste of preventive effort, because bots don’t care if you want to hear from them or not. They’re not human – they’re bots. They don’t read the content of your message. They just send out spam en masse, to everyone. If you post on CL (or Twitter, for that matter) you run the risk of encountering spam bots. Boys, your time is better spent writing a post that actually describes yourself and what you’re looking for (more than 2 lines). Then maybe you’ll get something out of it besides just spam.
Internet dating can become a compulsion and take over your life. I’ve wasted many hours scouring sites hoping to find a new profiles or maybe spot someone I overlooked before. The June issue of Marie Claire has a short article about this from a male perspective as well as the point that online dating can infringe on newly established relationships. The author found a great catch and then totally screwed it up because he couldn’t stop looking on all his usual sites for someone just a bit better. I’ve never been that bad – I always cease my online dating activity once an exclusive relationship has been established (or, rather, assumed by me). Or sometimes as soon as I’m significantly interested in one person and I think there’s potential, I’ll stop pursing other leads. I’m not good at juggling multiple dates and prospects, and I’m not thrilled when others do it to me.
But I empathize with the author’s obsession to find “the perfect one.” I think that online dating sites feed into the notion that there is that one perfect person out there for us. But no one is perfect. Not even your soulmate, even if you believe in them. Dating shouldn’t be so much like “mate shopping.” Most seekers online become prohibitively picky, especially if they’ve been at it for a while. This includes myself. I’ve become more risk-averse, which may be good, may be bad, who knows. But how many people do I actually end up meeting in person? Very few.
So, in general, I think that online dating is a waste of time. My success rate is low. I feel like I’m spinning my wheels. But I can’t stop. Right now I’m just using craigslist and OkCupid. I do realize that I need to look for my soulmate in more places though, like real life.
