Cheap, gross, and immature men – ugh

Last night I had the misfortune of hosting my first couch surfer. He annoyed the hell out of me and I was really glad when he left. He was significantly younger than me (22), American, embarking on a cross-country trip. I’ve known about Couchsuring for over a year now but this is the first time I’ve actually been a host. (In Hong Kong I met up with a girl for dinner.) I was looking forward to having someone to go out with and show around. I love being a tour guide! But this guy didn’t want to do anything besides sit at home, eat my food, and subject me to his highly embellished life stories.

I asked him if he wanted to see the Arch. “The Arch? What’s that?” he said. Seriously, he had no idea what the Arch was. He didn’t seem to have any genuine interest in seeing the town – rather, I think his motivation for traveling across country is to use Couchsurfing to find captive audiences to provide him undivided attention and listen to him talk. He was one of those people who is draining to have around. He’s always asking, “Are you OK? What’s wrong? You’re not smiling. C’mon – let’s touch elbows!” Can you I smack you across the face instead? Is that an option?

When he e-mailed me last week asking if he could sleep on my couch one night this weekend I said “OK, either Saturday or Sunday, but Saturday I am planning to go to a concert. Tickets are $15.” He wrote back that he would be here on Saturday. He had various positive references listed on his profile that noted how much he liked to talk and tell stories; I felt he was safe.

When he got here I asked if he wanted to go out to dinner, but he said, “My usual daily food budget is $2. Can we eat something here?” OK… So I made us toasted ravioli, the crumbs of which he got all over the floor, and the dishes of which he did not wash. During the dinner, and afterwards, he talked a lot of Couchsurfing, bringing up the fact that many people use it to hook up, and mentioning his own torrid affairs all across the world. I stated to him that I do not use Couchsurfing for such a purpose, and at this point in my life, I’m not interested in hooking up or making out with random strangers. He seemed disappointed.

I reminded him about the concert. He was reluctant to pay for the ticket, but I told him I was planning on going and didn’t want to miss it. I offered to buy him a beer if he came with (I did not want to leave him in my apt alone while I was gone). In the car on the way there I mentioned how this place was a small concert venue, essentially a bar with a stage. He was taken aback: “Wait a minute, this is a bar?” “Uh, yeah…” I said. “With a $15 cover charge??” he questioned. “Yes. There are two nationally touring bands tonight,” I explained.

When we got there he seemed uncomfortable. “I’m not really used to bars,” he said. “But you drink, right?” I asked. “Yeahhh, but usually I get stuff from a store and drink at home. It’s a lot cheaper.” Sigh. I ordered a Blue Moon from the bar and offered to get him something. He seemed very unfamiliar with the basic run-of-the-mill beer choices and said, “I’ll have what you’re having.” Then afterwards asked me how much it cost. “$4.25?!” He was shocked

The bands came on and he seemed to enjoy the music (as did I). We went home. He wanted to watch a movie and tell me more stories. I said I was tired and going to bed.

Considering the fact that he was sweaty and slightly gross I wished to god that he would take a shower before going to sleep on my couch, but he did not shower until morning, after I provided him with breakfast. Ugh. I let him use my washer and dryer and eat the leftover ravioli from the previous night. Then, finally, he left, but not until he gave me a parting gift, which was (drumroll) … a vaccuum-sealed government-issued good-for-10-years chocolate cookie. Wow. Thanks. During the apocalypse I’ll think of you.

I burned some incense in the living room after he left to cleanse the room and recenter myself.

What I learned from this experience:

1. Be more picky about who I host. Make sure they are interested in going out and seeing St. Louis and not just using me for free lodging, food, and attention. Perhaps only host females. Make sure to be a very considerate guest for anyone I stay with in the future – clean up after myself completely and contribute some food or drink.

2. I learned that I am mature, in a variety of ways, and I like it.

3. I realized why I don’t like cheap men, or cheap people in general. I’m lucky to have some spending money, and I enjoy going out – I see the value in supporting local businesses and contributing to the overall economy and having an exciting life. I realize not everyone can do this, at least not often. But nothing is ever really free. The reason the cover charge costs $15 is because various people are involved in the event and need to be paid: the musicians, the venue staff, etc. Someone needs to pay the rent on the building; someone handles marketing and booking; someone cleans the floor, serves the drinks, etc. To expect to have this experience for free is disrespectful to everyone involved in delivering you this experience. Likewise, the beer costs $4.25 for a reason. If you can’t figure out what that reason is, then don’t drink the beer. If you want to be completely non-materialistic then fine: Go live in the woods, live off the land, grow your own food and work for it. But don’t expect to live in the “developed/industrial” world and not have to pay for anything if you want a life that isn’t completely boring and lame.

So that’s why I don’t like cheap men. It’s not that I expect someone to support me my entire life and lavish me with gifts every day (on my birthday would be nice… heh) – I just want someone who likes to go out and contribute to the economy and be respectful.