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It’s a sad thing when a crush dies. I mean – not when the object of your crush dies (!) – but when you realize that you’re no longer interested in them, that your desire was misguided.
Bert and I went out twice in the last week, and on the second date (if you could call it that…) it hit me that he’s really lacking direction in his life, and he’s more than a bit too dorky for me. The guy has no “game” whatsoever. I thought his lack of game earlier this year was on purpose – a result of me having previously dated his friend. But by now that has blown over and there’s no excuse for bumbling around. This week he did initiate the second date, but I had to pick the location – he offered no ideas and left the decision until the last minute. He didn’t offer to pick me up. There was no physical contact – not even a hug. That would have felt forced and out of context, and of course I would have had to initiate it. Another thing: he said he doesn’t like St. Louis, which bothered me. He claims it’s not cosmopolitan enough, but Bert is not cosmopolitan. He hardly ever goes out. He complained about the cost of a soda at Bar Louie. He’s 39 and still lives with his parents (yeah… I was hoping this was temporary but it appears not to be.) Whatever Bert is truly looking for in a city, it’s here – if he looked harder and tried harder.
I relapsed this week. My ex (CM) and I had not seen each other for a month, but he came over very late on Tuesday and spent the night and we hung out until the early evening on Wednesday. I told him about my impending dates, and I still went through with them. Not much to write about: Friday guy’s personality was better than Thursday guy – Thursday guy drinks a bit too much for my tastes. Neither guy blew me away, but I’m probably not ready to date yet.
CM said he had been chatting with a few girls from Match.com and was maybe going to meet one, but on Thursday he decided he didn’t like her anymore. After each of my dates this week I came home and logged onto IM and gave CM a report, which I was not obligated to do, but I did anyway. Totally weird and unkosher, I know.
CM is planning to come over tonight… We miss each other. We are addicted to each other. What am I going to do with him?
So, I’ve been doing Chemistry.com for the last week and today I met a guy for coffee. The date wasn’t a disaster, but there was definitely no spark or love connection. He’s just not my type and I wasn’t attracted to him. He’s smart and liberal but too petite for me – 5′9″ and maybe 145 lbs max , not very well traveled, and maybe not mature enough for me. He’s a nice guy but he talked a lot and didn’t ask me as many questions as I would have liked, although he did ask me plenty of questions beforehand online. He mostly talked about his grad program. I was straining to pay attention towards the end.
Actually, this bachelor reminded me a lot of the guy I dated from 2002-2004, who was nice, but who I spent way too long with because we just weren’t a good fit.
Not sure what to expect in terms of follow-up from this date… I might have to tell him “I just wanna be friends.” Ugh.
