disharmonious

I seem to have successfully canceled eHarmony online via my account settings. I thought I would have to call customer service to do so – let’s hope I never have to.

The last straw with eHarmony came yesterday when the only match with whom I’ve ever reached the open communication stage “closed” our match, just hours after I requested to progress to a phone call or meeting. He selected the reason “I just don’t think the chemistry is there.” You never even met me, dumb ass! I had a feeling this guy might be trouble when he initially closed me on the same day our match was delivered. I was pretty surprised and disappointed that he closed me, as it was apparent from our profiles that we have a lot of common interests, including international travel, ethnic food, etc. Plus, he actually lives in St. Louis, he looked cute, and he answered “yes” to wanting to have kids. I decided to take a chance and ask him to “reopen” me. He did, and we were communicating every day for 5 days via the site. In one of his questions he asked me, out of “curiosity,” why I wanted to reopen him as a match and confessed that it was “his bad” for initially closing me. I got the feeling that he might be a bit full of himself as well as extremely picky, but I took the risk that I could perhaps pass his test. Alas, I was not even worthy of a meeting. Maybe he was annoyed that I stole his thunder and requested to meet in person before he did, or maybe he likes girls to be more flirty and fawning all over him before they’ve even met him (not my style). But probably he closed me because I don’t look like Natalie Portman. Sorry dude.

This type of experience isn’t unique to eHarmony of course, but due to the way eHarmony is structured I was perhaps coming across as more boring than I actually am. I also think eHarmony sends the message that unless you think your match is your absolute soulmate, don’t bother meeting them in person or – heaven forbid – considering a friendship with them. I don’t have time to waste on this anymore. I’m going to try Match.com again (it’s been over a year and a half since I subscribed there), and I’ll keep trying OkCupid, as well as more in-person social events. Sigh.

Crush over

It’s a sad thing when a crush dies. I mean – not when the object of your crush dies (!) – but when you realize that you’re no longer interested in them, that your desire was misguided.

Bert and I went out twice in the last week, and on the second date (if you could call it that…) it hit me that he’s really lacking direction in his life, and he’s more than a bit too dorky for me. The guy has no “game” whatsoever. I thought his lack of game earlier this year was on purpose – a result of me having previously dated his friend. But by now that has blown over and there’s no excuse for bumbling around. This week he did initiate the second date, but I had to pick the location – he offered no ideas and left the decision until the last minute. He didn’t offer to pick me up. There was no physical contact – not even a hug. That would have felt forced and out of context, and of course I would have had to initiate it. Another thing: he said he doesn’t like St. Louis, which bothered me. He claims it’s not cosmopolitan enough, but Bert is not cosmopolitan. He hardly ever goes out. He complained about the cost of a soda at Bar Louie. He’s 39 and still lives with his parents (yeah… I was hoping this was temporary but it appears not to be.) Whatever Bert is truly looking for in a city, it’s here – if he looked harder and tried harder.