One way to get over someone is to develop a crush on a new person. Maybe it’s not the best way – but hey, whatever works, right? Right now I’m daydreaming about Bert (not his real name!), who’s actually not a completely new person. I met Bert last fall at a Halloween party. I was dating his friend Kurt. I was never that into Kurt and only dated him for 2 months. But the moment I saw Bert at this party I was instantly drawn to him, feeling a strong sense of animal magnetism – perhaps due to the fact that he was dressed as a werewolf – but even after I saw him again, sans fur, I fell for his black hair and deep-pools-of-cocoa eyes, and I found his somewhat quiet, bumbling demeanor endearing. I was also attracted to the fact that he’s an architect and has an impossible-to-pronounce last name. Intelligent? creative? down to earth? exotic? Check x4.

I managed to get added to Bert’s Facebook, and after Kurt and I broke up I started e-mailing Bert once or twice a week, general get-to-know-you chit chat. I wouldn’t say that sparks flew. Bert seemed to be holding back, but that was understandable considering I had just dated his friend, who was upset that I dumped him, and I know there is some kind of related “bro code” that guys aren’t supposed to violate. Also, as I would come to learn, Bert is not very suave or experienced with dating. He’s close to his family and throws himself into his work. But, alas, New Year’s Eve arrived and neither of us had anything to do. Interestingly, I had gone on my first date with CM in Decemeber but then he went out of town for an extended period of time around the holidays, and we were chatting over IM during this time, but things were not serious yet and he was not around for New Year’s. So Bert and I went to the White Flag Projects party, where we proceeded to get completely wasted. Ugh. I really do not like getting wasted, but we had prepaid for the alcohol and there was tons of it, plus we were nervous so we just kept drinking. Bert confided in me that he felt a bit guilty for going out with me due to the Kurt situation, but I told him it was OK. I remember telling myself that we were just going out as friends, although I can’t remember if I communicated that to him or not. Irregardless (yes, I know that’s not a real word), we ended up kissing at midnight… and afterward… but it was such a drunken blur, ugh. I was really upset with myself with the next day, first of all because I was insanely hungover, second of all because if Bert and I were going to get together I did not want our story to start that way, and third, even though I was not established as “together” with CM, he and I had been chatting everyday and I had told him Bert was just a friend. He still does not know I hooked up with Bert that night. I felt like I had cheated on CM, although he and I had only 1 date with no physical contact at this point.

I was very confused after the New Year’s Party. Bert called me the next day and said we should plan a date for the following week. I said OK but I let him know that I was also seeing another guy… Bert said that was fine – he almost sounded relieved actually. It was 2 weeks before we went out again and our 2nd date was very tame – a museum and pizza. I don’t think Bert offered to pay for me. CM seemed a bit concerned that I went out with Bert but I downplayed it and said I was not interested in Bert as anything more than a friend. This was a lie – I was attracted to Bert as more. But at the same time I was also very attracted to CM, and I felt that things with Bert were not moving along. I know that he found me attractive but he seemed hesitant to date me or maybe just averse to dating in general. I think he had a girlfriend in college but no much dating or activity since then, and his college was quite a while ago. Bert was moving a lot slower than I was used to, and I was concerned that he might be too ingrained into his independent, single lifestyle. We had great conversation but he seemed to not be able to take any step forward. Obviously there were a lot of things complicating the situation (CM and Kurt), but I felt like even if those things weren’t in the picture, Bert would have taken forever to get to the boyfriend/girlfriend stage, and I’m not a patient person. Meanwhile, CM had returned from out of town and things were heating up with him. There were a lot of red flags with CM too, but I felt I had to choose to between these two guys, and I chose CM. I told Bert over e-mail and he seemed surprised and upset. He and I did not talk for a long time.

That was January and now it’s August. Things with CM are over, having finally run their course. I’ve chatted with Bert casually on IM a few times in the last month and haven’t mentioned that CM and I are broken up, but I think he’s acertained it from Facebook. I sent Bert an e-mail 2 days ago and he wrote back and (yay yay yay) asked me to go to dinner or get coffee. I’m waiting for him to confirm where and when. It could take days…

I’m still not sure there is a love connection possible for Bert and I but this could be another chance for me to find out.