I still have about 1 month prepaid with eHarmony, and I’m trying to see if I can get anything out of it before I cancel. Recently they started sending me “Flexible Matches,” some that are actually remotely in the vicinity of STL. The interesting thing about these matches is that the majority seem to be closer to my type and who I’m looking for than who they usually send me (i.e., the most boring people they can find in Arkansas, Indiana, and Iowa). I don’t know what to make of my higher interest in the flexible matches. It could just be coincidence of course. On the other hand, it seems that eHarmony’s “compatibility system” has a very different idea of who I would match best with than I do. I suppose it’s possible that they know better, and I’m completely deluding myself and barking up the wrong tree. But I have been on this planet for a while, dating for almost half of my time here, and I know what I want. It’s frustrating to be told that I’m only compatible with people I have no interest in.

I have felt this frustration throughout my dating history: The guys I tend to be attracted to are not attracted to me. The ones who are interested in me, I tend not to go for (e.g., military guys, suburban types, Republicans). When I do find someone with whom I share a mutual chemistry, I get so excited and eager that sometimes I scare them away. Or for some other reason, such as them being an idiot, things fall apart, and I am back to square one. I have also tried to force myself to date guys for whom I felt no passion, hoping it would develop later, but it never did.

Getting back to eHarmony, I’m also annoyed that they send me so many guys who are much shorter than me. At 5′9″ I don’t mind dating down about an inch, but anything more than that looks silly. I’ve tried it in the past, and it felt awkward. It would seem to me that a major height difference in a taller woman/shorter man pairing should qualify the match for the flexible category – but no. Matching my non-religious self with the God-fearing should also be considered flexible. But of course I have no say in the matter.

I haven’t actually gone on a date yet with anyone from eHarmony. I end up closing most of my matches. It’s possible I’m being too picky, I’m sending off the wrong signals, etc. I’m probably not ready to date yet after CM or I’m not in a good place right now and I need to focus on other things…